DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I invited 4 {couples} to be our visitors for dinner at one of many nicer eating places on the town. I needed to make use of correct place playing cards, however my husband didn’t wish to seem “stuffy.”
We greeted our visitors close to the doorway to our personal eating room, which was near the top of the desk. One in every of our visitors made a beeline to the opposite finish of the desk and sat at what ought to have been my place. I used to be going to say one thing, however Husband gently took my hand and signaled I ought to stay silent.
I discovered it troublesome to smile and be well mannered whereas Husband’s pal took the lead within the dialog and acted as if he was the host of our social gathering. Husband doesn’t perceive why I’m so steamed, and says, “It’s only a chair!” He mentioned subsequent time I ought to depart my purse within the chair to put it aside, if it’s so necessary to me.
The place I come from, it’s widespread data that the host and hostess sit on the ends of the eating desk. To usurp the hostess’s chair can be an incredible present of disrespect for the hostess and an insult to the host. Such an act may simply trigger a feud.
Am I making a giant deal out of nothing? Has etiquette relaxed a lot that visitors can sit the place they please with out regard to their hosts?
GENTLE READER: Has etiquette relaxed a lot that hosts don’t inform their visitors the place to sit down?
Oh, that’s proper, you don’t wish to seem stuffy. Miss Manners hears that phrase lots from individuals who don’t wish to observe procedures which were labored out to make issues orderly.
Telling visitors what preparations you’ve made for his or her consolation — for instance, a seating plan that places probably suitable individuals collectively — will not be offensive. Quite the opposite.
When you didn’t inform your visitors the place to sit down on the desk, you left them to fend for themselves, and so they did. To infer from this that your visitors meant to insult you is, certainly, making a giant deal out of nothing.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are two methods individuals begin an announcement that I discover extraordinarily infuriating. They’re: “No offense, however …” and “I’m sorry, however …”
These are invariably adopted by one thing sexist, ageist or racist, or by repeating what the opposite individual simply mentioned, then saying why that individual is unsuitable and doesn’t know what they’re speaking about — interval, finish of topic.
When this occurs to me, I’m often so indignant that I say nothing, however I appear unable to let it go. Is there something that may be applicable in response?
GENTLE READER: For the primary, “You’re proper. That’s fairly offensive.”
Miss Manners realizes that the offender was, as an alternative, asking for a go to be offensive with out penalties. Your response is to say that it has not been granted.
For the second, “I can see why you’re sorry. I’m sorry, too.” Finish of debate.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, [email protected]; or via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.
